Learn How to Talk to People
He used to be an out of work, drowning in debt, actor. Who was so broke he passed out chocolates as a job in New York Times Square. Now, he is a financially fit husband and dad living a kick ass life of travel and fun, and will never have to punch a time clock again. Delivering only the best business tips to the pros. Buckle your chin strap, you just stepped into training camp with Coach Jimmy.
Jimmy: On this episode of training camp with Coach Jimmy, I am sitting in the Burt Cooper memorial shrine, you Mad Men fans will get that, and I am going to talk to personality expert and home business millionaire Dave Ward. Stay tune.
Jimmy: You know the vibe of the show is that we take experts in the home business industry, that’d be you, and we talk about what helped you get here and we talk about communication a lot. So, what do you feel like people don’t get? They’re coming into something like this, they’re trying to build a big home business, why is communication like everything?
Dave: Well, I think that first thing’s first, once of the things I think that you can do that will help you the most to be successful in any sort of home based business is really gonna be a good assessment of your strengths and weaknesses. For example, I think that you’re an excellent communicator. It’s probably something that you’ve not really struggled with. I was not. I really wasn’t and I had to, I was lucky I had some mentors that helped me and understand that and look at that issue and try to help me get better and so it’s something that I’ve really focused on.
What I do know is that if you’re in a home based business, you’re probably dealing with people and any time that you’re dealing with people communication is going to be sort of the end all, be all of how you can find ways to relate to people and communicate and to really continue to help people get better. There are times where you’re going to have to have difficult conversations and I could remember that there were conversations I needed to have with people that I wasn’t comfortable having and what I really learned about it as I started to kind of dive in and say, “Okay, I’ve got something that I need to go to work on here. What do I do?” Because I think that’s one of the questions that people are asking is, “Well, great. I don’t know how to communicate. I don’t know what to do.”
Jimmy: Now, wait. Do you think that people come into this, and I’ve heard this before, that I think a lot of people come in and think, “Oh, I’m great with people,” or they think they have good people skills and they really suck. Did you come in knowing that you need to improve this or at one time, did you think, “Oh, I’m okay with people,”?
Dave: Um, yeah. That’s an interesting question actually. Um, I would say that I came in knowing that I wasn’t particularly good with dealing with people, but it was really based on a mistaken premise which is that I really believed that there were two types of people in the world and those two types of people were people who think and act like me…
Jimmy: And all those other ones other ones?
Dave: And people are just stupid. Like, people are just dumb. These are the two groups of people that I thought existed when I got into this business so when I would find people who were like me, there were really easy to relate to and we obviously talk to a lot of leaders in this business and we work with those people and I hear a lot of the same. “Well, he’s like me or she’s like me and we ‘get each other’,” I hear that one a lot. She gets me or I get her. It’s probably because they’re the same personality type.
If you walk around that there’s only two types of people in the world, which is what I did, which is that there were people like me and then stupid people, it’s gonna be really tough because you’re just eliminating 75% of the population because there’s 4 different personality types.
Jimmy: And so that leads us to what are those steps? So, somebody that’s coming into this and either let’s say there’s somebody that’s been in a home business for a while and they’re stuck like, “My people don’t listen to me. My team doesn’t do anything,” or they’re just getting started. So, what do you say to that person? How do they start figuring out what these personality types are?
Dave: So, here’s a good starting point. This is a book. This is exactly where I started with all of this. It’s called Personality Plus, I’m covering the author’s name, by Florence Littauer. How do understand, there’s a bunch of these actually. There’s one for kids, which is fantastic. There’s one for your spouse, which is really good as well. Um, this series of books though is what really opened up my eyes to the fact that there are four different personality types and you need to be able to recognize those personality types and then help them get you, okay?
So, rather than looking for people that are like you, learn to adapt. It’s almost like, assuming we’re all speaking English here, it’s almost like there’s four different English languages that are being spoken. One of them is very formal, one of them is very informal, one of them is fun and flowy, and the other needs to be very delicate. We gotta be able to speak these four languages and you have to be able to identify which person needs to hear which voice at what time. It’s not hard.
Jimmy: Right and you hear that and you think, “That’s a little overwhelming, I gotta learn to speak all these ways which aren’t natural to me” and so the first time somebody’s listening to this, they’re like, “Shit, where do I start?” like that seems overwhelming.
Dave: I totally agree and that’s how I felt as well. What I found was when I read this book and then have done other seminars, those other personality type seminars, a lot of work on different personality types, I think if you’re struggling on communication, that’s where you should start. Whether it’s this book or the Meyer-Briggs program or the Color Code or the Danny Johnson stuff or whatever, that you find something that communicates to you these personality types.
What I found what was interesting about it as I started, I read this book on an airplane. I was flying to Europe with my grandparents. I read this book on an airplane cover to cover. Cover to cover, completely blown away. Like, it really completely blew me away because I recognized myself first, which is really what the book is about it’s understanding your personality type. What are your strengths? What are you weaknesses? Where are you coming from? Because again, communication may not be your thing, still a good book to read.
Um, I also recognized my ex-wife and who she was in this book and I went, “That’s why she does all the things I think are a little bit crazy.” It’s not because she’s crazy, that’s just her personality. I recognized a lot of my friends. I recognized my children. And I’ll tell you that was maybe one of the hidden benefits to doing something like this. I recognized who my children were when they were, my daughter was 10, my son was 8, and I had a really good picture of who they were and what they needed from me. They need very different things from me. Just like everybody that you’re probably in business with.
Jimmy: And I’m going to stop right there. What people need from you, I think that’s so key because you go into each of these conversations with people whether it’s your family or we’re talking about in this context in your team, what person A needs from you isn’t necessarily what person B does and I now that my mistake has been, “Hey, this is who I am and this is what I’m going to give across the board,” and it’s very different what that individual A needs from you versus B to get them to move to the next spot in their business or productivity or whatever.
Dave: So, just a quick story on that point, I’m a big history fan as you probably know, and I’m stealing this story from a seminar that we were just in the other day. And the story is about Benjamin Disraeli who was the Prime Minister of England and there was a reporter for one of the news journalist places in England who was interviewing him and his primary political opponent.
She did this interview with him and the other opponent, she did the other opponent first, and she said, “You know, when I finished the interview with the other opponent, I felt like he was the smartest man in England. I really did and when I finished the interview with Benjamin Disraeli, I felt like I was the smartest woman in England,” and that’s the difference. When you can learn how to speak other people’s language and you can understand what they need to hear from you, you can communicate and connect with them in a way that you just can’t otherwise.
If I’m constantly…I am a very hard charging, go-go-go, I’m not super touchy feely, I’m not always the most thoughtful person, I mean these are just things I understand about myself, but there are people who need that, right? If I’m going to be a leader and I was to build a business and my business is reliant on people doing things, I have to learn how to change that. I have to learn how to adapt and grow and give these people what it is that they need. It just starts with understanding all of that and then recognizing it. Recognizing it, I’ll tell you, it’s really actually kind of fun.
When I first started this whole thing, I would do it with reality TV. We would watch shows like House Hunters, great show, great show, because you have three people involved primarily, usually husband and wife and then a realtor. So there’s a dynamic and when the realtor doesn’t recognize what the husband wants, done. Right? It’s done. Like, he doesn’t recognize that no, this doesn’t have a shop. I need a shop. You know? So, gotta have a shop, this house is out. Right? It ain’t gonna work. It’s not gonna work. So, I loved watching those shows and trying to recognize those personality types. It was like this little test for me.
I think for a little while I became like a real, I don’t know, maybe a challenger where anybody new I would meet, I would be like, “I gotta figure out what their personality type is so I can figure out how to communicate with them.”
Jimmy: Like, how do you do that?
Dave: I think that it’s really, it’s really sort of on the job training really. It’s just something that you do by doing it. Which I think is probably like most things in a home based business, that’s just how it’s going to be, right? You’ve gotta go do stuff to learn how to do it. You’ve gotta make some mistakes, you gotta kind of screw it up, but the number one thing I think it forced me to do anyway and what I really wasn’t good at when it came to communication and all that stuff was just asking people questions.
I was really quick to talk about myself rather than trying to find out information about other people and once I recognized that, what I really wanted to do was to figure out your personality type because that was my goal. I can’t do that while I’m talking. I have to be quiet, I have to ask you questions, and I have to listen really carefully to the answers. At that point, I can figure out who you are, what you’re all about, what’s your personality type, and which one of these four languages you probably need to hear. At that point, then I can start to communicate with you.
You and I are good friends, I know how to, I just flatter you, it’s easy.
Jimmy: Well, okay.
Dave: Right? I just put pictures of you all over my house.
Jimmy: Right, and I’m totally at home immediately.
Dave: Right, exactly. There are other people who don’t need to have a picture in my house, right?
Jimmy: And I would feel threatened by those anyways.
Dave: Exactly, but I recognize these things about the people who are around me and in my life and if you’re going to be in a home based business, you gotta learn communication. If you’re struggling with it, starting with personality types. Understanding like really who these people are, what their language is, and how to speak to them and then just being responsive to that. If you have to speak slower, don’t have a cup of coffee before you get on that call. If you’ve got somebody that needs some heavy duty energy…
Jimmy: Pre-workout before the call.
Dave: Maybe a little pre-workout before the call. I mean I literally do that. I know who those people who need more hand holding and they need me to be slower with them and I know those don’t want a 45 minute call with me. They want a 15 minute call with me. I’m gonna get to it. They don’t want me to ask them how their dog is, they don’t care. He’s a dog, he’s fine.
Jimmy: What’s the point of the call?
Dave: Other people, “Oh my gosh, thank you for asking because Bernard, he is awesome,” and they go into their whole thing about how cute their dog is. Which is great, if that’s the type of person that you’re talking to. If you’re not talking to that type of person, it’s just a matter of recognizing those things and adapting.
Jimmy: Man, this has been awesome because like anything else, it’s learning it and it’s putting it into practice because you’re not going to master it overnight and the fact that it’s recognizing that we all need to work on these traits constantly. Man, I appreciate the time and this was awesome. We’ll do it again soon.
Dave: Always my pleasure.