Share Your Struggle in the Midst of it
Everybody squeeze in! One year ago, actually one year and three weeks, it was a big day here in Dallas. It was super early. I tend to be an early bird and get things going early because this morning was road trip day. Road trip day!
Had to get the family together. I had to get my son. If you follow me on social media, you know Asher is quite the character super early 4:30 in the morning trying to get that little dude snug into his car seat in the back. Bags all packed in the back. My super super pregnant wife in secure here.
Road trips. Now this road trip had, I don’t know a 7, 8 hour road ahead of me to New Orleans, Louisiana. Has anybody ever made that trip? That drive sucks. Let’s go drive through the swamp! And so my wife and I have been married for thirteen years this year and I made that drive many times. We got married in New Orleans. I am very excited about the Summit coming to New Orleans next year and so normally I don’t look forward to his road trip.
Like, I want to go down there to see the family and do the thing, but the actual road trip, I just don’t look forward to. Except this road trip, I was kind of geeked about it, because I got my son in the back with the Leap Pad, coloring books, pregnant wife here. As I walked around and I opened the door and I sat down and I put my hands on the steering wheel, it was different. Because this was the first time I have ever taken a road trip in a brand new car.
That may not be a big deal to some of you. I’ve been a Coach for 9 years. I know people who have come into this business for 6 months and they got a brand new car. For some reason, it was a luxury for some reason I just never…I wanted it. I would make jokes about the car I drove before because I have been driving the same car seven years when we moved from New York City back to Dallas. But I kept putting it off. Not important. Somewhere maybe not worthy. I don’t know if you ever felt that way.
“I’m going to give to the family.”
“I’m going to do this for my kids”
Anything, but actually to reward yourself for your hard work and somewhere you don’t feel like you deserve it. But God bless my wife she finally said, “Hey, we’re getting you this car.”
So as I sat in this car and I’m driving to New Orleans. The whole reason we are going down there is to drop my son off, just like we did this year, at my in-laws before we head to Nashville for Summit and there was something about driving that car that finally made me feel successful.
Heading into Summit on Cloud Nine
It was also going to be a Summit where I was going to be recognized for a few big milestones, resume check-offs, that I was really excited about. Because in nine years in this business I have never been the jack rabbit. I’ve never been the person that came in with five stars in six months.
I was never the person that like hit records. I am the ultimate grinder. I don’t know if that is good or bad because that can be really frustrating. When you’re in a business and you’re doing something and I literally got in this business six months after the network launch.
Someone was asking me earlier like, “Tell me your story!” I was like, “Six months after the network launch,” and they were like, “Oh. So you’re up there with Fitzgerald and Tracey Moore your volume must be awesome!” No. I was lovingly stuck in a death spot six months after I got this and it was fine because somewhere in my brain I was like, “I am going to work twice as hard.”
There was a little chip on my shoulder and yet on my way to New Orleans and on the way to Nashville, I felt like I had finally arrived. I hit some milestones and I was feeling a little bit bulletproof. Like, “I have stepped into my own. You can’t mess with me now. I got this shit. You’re not going to mess with me.” You know that walk when you’re feeling good and there’s a little bit of this to it and I showed up in Nashville, put my bags down, had that strut, and said, “We’re going to be doing some day drinking mother f—–, cause you can’t touch me. I’ve got this business down now.”
Where it Started to Unravel
And I step back and I think about that, what was it about this Summit? Why did I feel validated there? Because if I look at it nine years into this thing, I mean there’s the resume. Why did I need one of those specific things on the screen up there to say, “Jimmy, now you’re good enough. You’ve got the car, you’ve got the title, now you’re successful.”
I just told you that I have been married for thirteen years, got a healthy son, and now my pregnant wife, we now have a seven month old daughter, like I brought her home from her job! We don’t live in debt, why was this important? Because somebody else would say, “Jimmy, you were way successful before somebody gave you a resume check-off,” but we do that don’t we?
“Oh, I haven’t done what this person has done. I haven’t been here yet.”
So Nashville wasn’t ready for me and those of you that follow me on social media are already ahead of the story. So I grabbed some buddies, buddies of mine and peers in this business who I felt…I needed to validated. I needed to achieve what they have. We all came in together and they hit all these milestones before I did.
Vicious Need for Validation Cycle
I’ve always left like, do you remember…who watched Looney Toons growing up? Ok, so this is a really select Looney Toons. Do you remember the big dog and then the little dog, like Spike? Somewhere in this business I’ve always felt like the yippy, like, “Hey. Spike. What you want to do today?” That dog, like that was me. I wasn’t the big bad ass dog. I was the blip-blip-blip-blip dog.
But then, so I found those friends of mine that I thought were my Spike dog right? They were who I wanted to be. And it was like, “I’ve gotten into the fraternity.” I was finally in the cool kids club now and this is how this went down.
We’d start at the pool, you and I would sit, and have a couple and drinks and talk about how things are awesome! Let’s celebrate everything is great and, like a responsible human being, after drink two or three, you’re like, “Oh, I’ve got to tap out. Be responsible.” “Oh, that’s awesome. Cool. Oh, you just showed up? Hi! Have you seen all this shit I’ve done. It’s really amazing. I feel really good, will you help me feel better about myself? Cool so you and I are going to have a couple drinks.”
This evening didn’t start as something malicious. I wasn’t trying to be a bad guy. It was a five year old little boy from a torn home that finally said, “Look, I did something good. I want to feel good about it.”
And then you’re going to go, “I have to get to bed. My family. Being a responsible human being.”
“Oh my gosh, you just showed and you haven’t anything to drink yet and I want to keep feeling this good about myself.”
This evening didn’t start as something malicious. Stumbling home…to the hotel at 3am after being punched in the eye and having a black eye, it didn’t start as something negative. I wasn’t trying to be a bad guy. It was a five year old little boy from a torn home that finally said, “Look, I did something good. I want to feel good about it.” So every time somebody would tap out I needed someone else to keep telling me, “Yes, what you did was good. I will celebrate with you Jimmy. I’ll validate you.”
Just happen to be involved again and again and as we all know for any of you who has ever been there, this get altered. You lose track of what you are doing. But It’s not like your sitting in the corner drinking solo, so I never thought I had a problem, I knew what the problem was, and it really wasn’t the alcohol.
It was the need to feel validated. It was this need to share my success so somebody else to tell me, “You did a good job.”
I Have to Change
That next morning when I sort of came to my senses, with a huge shiner in my face, I never had a black eye before so I didn’t know what that was like. Don’t know who punched me. I’m sure I deserved it. God bless that guy or girl or whoever it was, but I woke up and turned over and my wife had written me a letter just asking that some things change. My super, super pregnant wife came to the room, way way way before then and I was so ashamed and so embarrassed that I thought, “Oh, this is easy. Technically, Summit hasn’t started yet…let’s go!”
I technically don’t have to speak. I wasn’t training last year. I could have just disappeared and my wife looked at me and said, “Nope. You have to stay.”
Jeezy creezy.
I said ok. So if you saw me last year at the Summit, I was wearing glasses 90% of the time because anything to take away from this thing was going to help. So once I realized running wasn’t an option, I had another choice. Kelly had left and I was sitting in my room and something in my gut goes, “You have to share this.”
Any baseball fans in the house? Ok awesome, follow me here. Do you remember you during the Mark MacGuire, Bary Bonds, the whole like steroids era of baseball? There were two very different kinds of people that would get caught. There was the person that it was apparent that they are juicy because their head is three times this big and they’re this giant behemoth of a human being.
And they go, “Nope. I’m not taking nothing,” and you’re like, “Bullshit.”
Own up to Your Mistakes
Then there is the other person that goes, “Yeah. I did it and xyz is why,” and we forgive those people immediately. For whatever reason, it just popped in my head. “Jimmy, this is where you’re supposed to fall on your sword.”
So laying in bed, I take “the picture” that so many of you are familiar with now and write a post just saying, “Hey, this happened. I got punched in the face. If I talked to you last night and said something stupid I apologize because I don’t remember most of the night.”
And what happened next was crazy! Like that whole Summit, I remember I started like this, like boom. You’ve ever seen a dog that’s been like from an abusive home and how they kind of walk with their tails tucked under just a little bit? That’s how I walked about Nashville last year. There, but really ashamed and the outpouring from this community was unreal. My inbox was full of people sharing stories either something they were going through the same way or something they had come out of. Recommendations for help, “Hey, this helped my husband and this helped whatever.”
I’ll never forget I was sitting in the airport to leave. Kelly had gone to get something and I was just sitting there. This actually happened twice.
This guy comes up. I don’t know this guy from Adam. He’s not a Coach I’ve seen before, I didn’t even know if he was a Coach, and he walks in the airport and he stops and he just leans down at me and he’s like, “Hey, man. Thanks for sharing. Most nights, I don’t remember going to bed at home and I know exactly what you’re going through.”
I was sitting in my room and something in my gut goes, “You have to share this.” And what happened next was crazy! The outpouring from this community was unreal. My inbox was full of people sharing what they were going through.
I felt this huge responsibility and then it showed me that as uncomfortable as it was, as much as I wanted to run, as much as I wanted to hide, that it was the right thing to do.
Prepare Yourself to Take a Hit
To stand and just take ownership and it always seems to happen right as you are starting to get a little momentum. Right along as something good is going to happen I’m going to tell you in this business, when you sign up to do this as your business, this as your mission your calling, life will punch you in the face.
It may not be as public as mine, but its coming.
You finally get a little momentum and then it’s like, “Oh my gosh! My sister who has been making fun of me for six months will FINALLY try Shakeology! Yay! I finally got to emerald. I hit Success Club for the first time!” Right when you go, “I think I’m getting this thing. I think I’m getting this thing,” your marriage is going to fall apart. You’re going to have a financial crisis. There’s an illness that pops up.
Something is going to blind side you. I just know it.
You know why I know this? Because what we do is not just a business, guys, we are building a movement. We are changing lives. We are creating something so positive and so amazing and when you do that you’re going to get punched in the face. It just happens. It just happens!
Don’t Wait, Start Sharing
Maybe its happened to you and if it hasn’t, you have to make a decision now. What are you going to do when that outside thing rocks your world? Are you going to bail? Is your first thing, “I’ve got to quit that coaching thing? I’ve got to get rid of this $16 business fee every month? I’ve got to get out of this thing,” and you use that as an excuse? Or do you double down and fight through and share your struggle in the midst of it?
I didn’t wait till I went to therapy to talk about it. I went. I’m still dealing with my shit, but I decided to talk to you guys about it in the midst of it.
You’re going to have pain. You’re going to have loss and if you just leave it at that, then it’s a tragedy. It’s really bad and feel sorry for yourself, but I am going to challenge you and take that pain and make it yours and somebody else’s purpose.
Take the loss and create a legacy with it. Because it’s in the midst of showing that we are human, the things we’re going through, my inbox being full, that’s why people are going to follow you in this.
Not when you lose 20 more pounds.
Not when I’m starting to make $200 then I’ll share this more.
One of my favorite TV shows is Mad Men, which may or may not go well with the whole drinking thing to be really honest with you, but the main character of the show…so it’s an advertising agency in New York City in the 60’s, but the main character, Don Draper, he has one of my favorite quotes and it’s, “One longs to be the needle in the haystack, not the haystack.” You catch that? Because I didn’t the first time that I heard it.
We’re spending so much time trying blend in trying to pretend that we don’t have any issues in our lives, social media will let us filter everything and I’m not saying post to have a sob story. My wife would always say we can’t deal with the Eyores. The, “Thanks for noticing me,” but if you’re going through something with a promise of where you’re headed. “I am struggling but I am heading here.”
Give Others Hope With Your Struggle
I am hurtful but I am thankful for this community. You have to give somebody a hope of somewhere to go. I gave this exact same talk at Summit at Tarah Carr’s, I don’t know if anybody was there, and I thought, “Well, this is where I wrap up.” This is where I wrap up and you guys are going to clap me and tell me how kick ass I am and I’m going to sit by my seat because like, “Jimmy what a great redemption story, a year later. You beat this thing.”
I told my team that I wake up at 4:40 every day. Not only because I work out early and stuff, but my very first battle every day, every morning is right between my ears. I don’t think they take me seriously. I don’t think they understand the war that goes on here every morning. Of self-worth, of demons, of shit I battle all the time and that’s why I start my morning with some kind of personal development.
I tell you this because my battle isn’t over. I’m not proud to tell you, but I took yesterday off not because I wanted to prep for this event, I had a gnarly ass hang over yesterday. I’m still working through my shit, but you see these stats up here, if I waited till I fixed me I don’t get to impact my team.
If I waited till I took care of all my stuff before reaching out and serving you, you’re not going to be changed along with me.
Stop waiting until you’re fixed before you can share.
So saying this is me here and you’re going to have some people that judge you and you may be judging me right now, but all I know is I’m supposed to show up and serve every day. Good, bad, and indifferent. I’m working on it, I’m trying to be a better person, but if I can take you along with me and we both get to change our lives, that’s better than me doing it by myself.
In closing, I will remind you of this. It’s so easy to get caught up with the Success Club points, somebody launches a new product, and all these other things, but what we do…we don’t sell health and fitness. We deliver hope to a world that desperately needs it so speak up. Share and deliver your hope today. Thank you.